dinsdag 19 augustus 2008

Hull 2-1 Fulham, plus more put-downs with even less heart in them


Hull Sodding City 2-1 Fulham
Goals: 0-1 Ki-Hyeon, 1-1 Geovanni, 1-2 Caleb Folan

We Don't Get Fooled Again
Every year it's the same, isn't it? A good first-half display, growing positivity (I had to double the Feckless Farmer's dose of ritalin after Seol scored), followed by a crude, cruel and unusual (though not for Fulham) capitulation seeing us lose by the skin of our teeth. If the rest of the season is going to mirror the last one as this opening did, I will have no option but to steal Feckless's ritalin, up sticks to Middlesbrough and enjoy some well-deserved mid-table mediocrity whilst getting some giggles out of observing ball boys getting stuck in Mido's gravitational field.

The match itself was uninspiring. Gera should have scored, Zamora was pretty much in Imaginationland, our defence is still a bit panicky and all this is completely irrelevant considering the fact that we lost to Hull Sodding City.

However, I have to say hats off to John Pintspill and Seol Ky-Hyeon. The former, I was informed, became an Upton Park legend because of his tendency to pray and his nigh total lack of skill. This probably makes a lot of sense if you're a West Ham fan.
In shiny white, however, he started as the definite man of the match. Inspiring going forward, decent in defence, and to his everlasting credit not Chris Baird.

I would have forgotten that Seol Ky-Hyeon existed, let alone played for us, were it not for that slightly un-PC chant classic:

"He'll shoot, he'll score,
he'll eat your labrador,
Seol Ki-Hyeon
Seol Ki-Hyeon"

And they say Reading fans are plastic... Anyway, our puppy-munching winger defied the curiosity of being selected over Nevlinho and Big Ed to score our first goal of the season. I have to say, good on you lad. Just keep your hands off my bulldogs. As Feckless found out last christmas; Dr. Dre, Eazy-E and Ice Cube don't take kindly to being shoved in the oven. I heard the stitches on his eyelids are being taken out next week, though sadly for him this is before we play Bolton.

Tom ... & the Heartbreakers
Caleb Folan sounds like a made-up name. I'm just sayin'.

Put-Downs III: With a Vengeance


Middlesnore-o
1. Imagine living in a town whose name is the perennial butt of the popular phrase 'At least I don't live in...'
2. Viduka, Mido, Alves... Everyone loves a fat guy!
3. Imagine the conversation in the Boro boardroom (Boro'd room?) last january...
Gareth Southgate: "...So, Jonathan. We've received a bid for you from Tottenham, but you're our club captain and we gave you our faith when no-one... Jonathan?" Steve Gibson: "He's gone. Great job, big nose."

Cartoon Network
1. Boum-Boum Shake the Room, Bramble the Shamble, Peter Rampage... St. James' Park is quite possibly the finest Clown College in England.
2. Mike Ashley's resemblance to David Cameron: "Wor, chaps"
3. The bizarre Geordie mating ritual performed by removing one's replica kit and acting like a chimpansee. Though the latter is not solely used as a mating call...

Pompous

1. "I am the eggman, You are the eggman, I am the Redknapp..."
2. David Nugent's hilarious willingness to show the world his two-inch pecker; in addition to his boss saying "Hmmm... actually, I don't really want him. Anyone else?" about five minutes after buying him.
3. If I ever turn forty, you have permission to shoot me if you catch me sporting cornrows. No such grace for David James, apparently...

Danke Schon, darling, Danke Schon
I'm quite busy dealing with my University retakes at the moment, so don't expect an Arsenal preview any time before the match begins. I'll check back with a larger update somewhere

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